morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
Found the puke drawer
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
Randomize
