i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
She is still out of it but keeps saying ur name she said to tell u dinosaurs aren't real but biscuit with a z made bad choices
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
Randomize
