you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
ya figured it'd be nice to explore the mythical world of sober sex i've heard so much about
i've often wondered how it works
Oh and it’s been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! 😂😂😂😬😳😇
Randomize
