did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
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