Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
Is it penis luge time yet?
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
Randomize
