There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
Randomize
