I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
She should get an extra 30 days for that Georgia Rule movie......terrible.
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
Randomize
