I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
How external is "for external use only"?
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
Randomize
