i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
this weekend destroyed me...my brain feels like the curly fry at the bottom of the bag. GAhhh come save me
that's ecstasy for ya. now I'm kinda in the mood for jack in the box.
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
Randomize
