Getting drunk in a different country is not a good idea. Lets just say spanish women, 17 yr olds from missouri, prostitutes, and a poodle. I don´t want to leave spain.
he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
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