we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
you mean i was at the winter classic?
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
if it makes u feel better, i skipped class so i could go to a sex convention in jersey a few hours earlier than if i went to class.
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