You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
KATE. I JUST NOTICED THAT LOWERCASE D'S LOOK LIKE SLIPPERS.
I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
Randomize
