I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
I was so high i believed someone when they told me le moyne beat syracuse
my girls lil sis wanted to play hide & seek. she told her 2 go hide. we went to the room and had sex. she was hiding under the bed.
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
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