I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
I need moral support for this bender
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
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