it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
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