Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
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