I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
we talked about european history as he fucked me from behind in the shower... i think it was a success
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
Randomize
