You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
don't worry, i have a range rover and a brother hopped up on steroids.. we can solve this little misunderstanding quite easily.
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
Watching her eat just hurts me
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
NoShamevember. You game?
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
Randomize
