Its not drinking alone if you got Tiger on the Wii.
Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
sooo i think when i get back from rothbury i should probably take a pregnancy test
but you would be showing by now. i'd just save the money and wait for a large crap in 6 months that starts crying. then you'll know.
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
Randomize
