I wish I could teleport
i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
Randomize
