Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
Randomize
