Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
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