there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
Randomize
