Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
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