he thought i was a dude.
I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
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Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
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I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
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