i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
Only in Montana can you find Septic Services that would display "Christian owned and operated" on the side of the truck. I'm oddly going to miss this state.
you're like a bully in the Christmas story
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important.
Yeah its great. Whenever we want a new bowl we hand it to Trevor and he clears it in one hit. Definitely one of the benefits to having a swimmer in your circle.
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
Randomize
