is it bad that the first thing i do when i get downstairs is go on farm town?
I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
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