how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
Randomize
