hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
Randomize
