i am a beautiful darrk chocolate womann
honey you're def caucasian
i am a beautiful white cholcllate woman.... Z
Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
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