If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
Randomize
