I need a man. I think Im going to put myself on Craigs list since they caught the killer and all.
Do it and if you add naked pictures youll get an instant reply
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
Randomize
