I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
So. Much. Porn.
Randomize
