I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
other girls like to lick balls but none of them live for it like u do
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
Randomize
