Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
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