apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
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