I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
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