yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
do you think they ever dumped Gatorade over Michael Vick's head after his dog won?
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
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