She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
At least life still wants to fuck me.
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
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