Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
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