What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
He did a backflip because drugs
Randomize
