The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
Randomize
