think what you will about my sexuality, just get the cigarettes
Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
I want to fling myself into the sun
Randomize
