batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
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