omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
Randomize
