Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
Randomize
