Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
Randomize
