Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
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