I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
You can't just leave with hair like that
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
Randomize
