The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
Randomize
