**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
Randomize
