Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
Just sold all of my pants in order to buy tonight's whiskey. Goodbye, high functioning alcoholism. Hello, Dad.
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
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