franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
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