two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
Randomize
