I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
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