Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2.
so we were pounding it out and someone knocked on the wall and was shouting at us
that didnt stop you
nope
So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
i would have smoked before this dance, how ever i have surgery Monday and I looked up weed and anesthesia and fatalities was mentioned, so i decided that it would be a bad idea
probs a good idea
i like the whole idea of life and being alive
you sure you're not high?
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
Randomize
