I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
Idk. I'm naked in front of the computer eating ribs. All is right with the world.
That's so nerdy and hot at the same time.
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
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