You just made me feel so damn special
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
idk what id do withouhrh yoy btro
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
Randomize
