You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
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