party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
you traded sex for a burrito?
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
Gees I domt know what your deal was. You kept looking at Nick and shaking your head frantically and doing a weird motion with your hands
Tgat was the small dick alert
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
Randomize
