I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
Randomize
