You can spell. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills.
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize
