Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
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