no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
the wall and i were having dominance issues.
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
Randomize
