i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
Randomize
