update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
Randomize
