Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
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