i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
There should be an open time period where you show each other your goods and it's totally socially acceptable to bail.
I wholeheartedly concur
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
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