its summer. and we all know college gfs do not count in summer.
college gfs dont count ever. theyre like getting corn rows in jamaica. you feel cool at the time. then you go home and people make fun of you.
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
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